I've been working extra hard on the music for my project for the last week or so. I actually have the majority of it down pretty well, but the recits are killing me. It's very hard to memorize various cadential phrases with no point of reference. It's kind of like learning those Half Minute Songs I did last semester, only in Italian... and like 20 times as much music. I'm going to have to sit down with the score and recording, I think, and spend hours and hours. Maybe then it'll make more sense. My voice teacher told me to translate them all by hand, which was a great idea... except that when I went to do it, 60% of the words weren't in my dictionary. So, I don't know. I would learn it in English and then Italian, but I know myself well enough to know I'd never go back and learn the Italian.
On the positive, and almost completely unrelated, side, I started lessons with my newest student today, and she has a LOT of potential. Only in 8th grade, and already a big, mature sound. And the best part: when I tell her how to fix something, she does it. She made big strides in 30 minutes.
I thought I had a good break-through in my lesson last Friday, but so far I haven't been able to recreate it. At one point, my voice teacher even said "wow, you just looked like as singer!", to which I should have replied "What did I look like before, a trained monkey?" But, I restrained myself. Apparently I wasn't doing whatever it was I used to do on my high notes, and they were working really well and were nice and big. Hopefully we can get it to work again in my next lesson. It had a lot to do with using my abs to support the air well, which I guess I don't generally do. I've been working on that, so maybe if I get one part of it down at a time, it'll all start working soon.
I've been thinking about what it would be like to actually be getting ready to go somewhere and perform this opera with other singers... It's really kind of a scary thought. While I don't doubt that I could do it, the process of working with a director and other singers is something I'm not at all used to, really. Also, it's really scary to think of going into it being the only rookie, so to speak. I need to find a grad school with LOTS of performance opportunities.
Speaking of grad schools: I spent an evening last week trying to find deadlines for applications, audition dates, etc. for graduate schools, and it was terrifying. I don't know how anyone ever gets all of the steps done, and then on top of that, passes all the tests and does well enough in the audition to prove they're worth anything. And on top of that, it costs $150-$200 in application fees for each school. Plus the money I'll spend going there and auditioning and such. So, I have to really narrow it down. It's a really overwhelming ordeal.
This is going to be the semester of paperwork. Grad school apps, graduation paperwork, thesis paperwork... I'm not excited about this. But, I hope it's also the semester that I learn a lot about expression and take my singing to the next level. Right now, I feel like a decent singer, but a horrible performer. My goal is to be decent at both aspects by Dec. And if not by Dec., by Feb. or March.
I still need to find some music for my senior recital. I have it all planned out, but I need a German set and a musical theatre set. I have some ideas about the German, but I'm stuck on the theatre. Of course, what I have planned so far is probably a little unconventional, but it's unconventional in the more difficulty direction, rather than less, so I don't see why it shouldn't be acceptable. As soon as I finish the thesis work, I have to get to work on the recital music.
I have four pages of my thesis written so far. I doesn't sound like much, but I think it's about as much history as I'm going to include. I intended to make it around 10 pages, but now that I've written it, I feel like going any more in-depth would be unnecessary and distracting. But, we'll see what Dr. Smith says. Admittedly, there are some parts I need to do some more work on, some ideas I haven't fully developed, but even at that, I think it will only be 5 or 6 pages.
There is still some more research I need to do. I still haven't managed to unearth something that helps me figure out the stylistic conventions of the time period. I've found things written about trills, appogiaturas, etc, but nothing that tells me anything specific. Perhaps this means that at that time, it was conventional to follow only what the composer wrote? But this can't really be, because there were a LOT of things Mozart didn't write. Which should mean that some things became conventional. But someone is sure trying to keep me from figuring out what they were. Also, I don't know what on my score is Mozart's, and what's the publisher's...
I think it's about time I have a long talk with Janice Fulbright. But that in itself is kind of terrifying. She may be a walking music encyclopedia, but she intimidates the #$#% out of me. But, if anyone is going to know these things, it would be her. She might have a score in which she took notes from Mozart....;)
From an expression standpoint, I think this opera was a good choice. I should have a chance to work on the whole spectrum of emotions, as Dorabella has moments of ecstasy, and some of agony. This post is getting very random, I know, but it's a pretty accurate reflection of how my brain is working at the moment. Hopefully getting back to school will force me to focus.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sunday, August 09, 2009
This might be important too...
I hadn't thought about this before today, but while it's fresh on my mind, I should write it down. While I'd not considered it a part of the "process" before, it just occurred to me that there's a large portion of the creative process that actually happens on-stage, and cannot be recreated anywhere else.
I've always been one of those people who is much better at performing with an audience. Some people seem to be able to pull it off anytime, but for me it's much easier with someone watching- the more people, the better. I'm not sure what makes this difference, but it's there, so we go with it.
I'm not sure I'll really be able to explain what happens on-stage, because it's kind of beyond thought. There's no time to actually formulate thoughts, but things happen in performance that don't happen the rest of the time. It's kind of like the "expression" you manage in rehearsal is magnified times 20.
I think it can mostly be attributed to a drastic increase in focus. Even in dress rehearsal there's a feeling that you can fix things if they don't work out, but in the actual performance, it's do or die. Of course, it might not work the same way for someone who is unprepared, but I've yet to give a performance I didn't feel pretty prepared for. Now, while I feel focus is increased in performance, I also think it is adjusted. In rehearsal, it's easy to always think about how things are working vocally, and forget about expression. In fact, in a practice room, it's very easy for me to totally forget expression and only work on vocal issues. In performance, you just have to let it go vocally, because if it doesn't work, it's too late to fix it. This gives you the opportunity to focus on expression instead. It's like when a certain voice teacher has told me a million times to "stop looking like you're thinking about singing." Now that I have enough good habits and feel comfortable with my voice, it's much easier to actually stop thinking about the singing and move on to what I'm doing with the rest of my body. The same voice teacher also likes to remind me that learning all of this takes time. I don't like that part of it, but I know it's true. A few months ago, I couldn't have performed the way I did today, because I just didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle yet. And in a few more performances, I'll be able to say this again.
So, what happens on stage? Focus increases and changes. And there are a lot of little things that go through your mind, but nothing really new. Things like "I shouldn't keep my hand there-(previously mentioned voice teacher) makes fun of me for that." Or, "Keep eyes focused, KEEP EYES FOCUSED!" Or, "Oh crap, last time I talked to that invisible person, tree, etc., I saw him over THERE... too late now." Another voice teacher once told me that every time you perform, it has to be a new creation. You can rehearse things, but when you get onstage, for it to be real and natural, you have to let it be creative all over again. I think this is part of what I'm finally figuring out.
With this latest performance, I noticed things happening over time as well, at times when I was doing things that have absolutely nothing to do with singing. For example, in the shower this morning, which is where I do lots of my thinking, I was visualizing the scenes for this afternoon and thinking of funny little things I could add, like throwing the locket over my shoulder, or facial expressions that would be funny here and there. So, there are parts of the creative process that happen even when I don't intend for them to. I've found that much of singing, and learning to sing, is subconcious. There have been lots of times when I've had vocal problems that I just couldn't figure out, and then suddenly they'll be fixed, and when I look back on it, it turns out I've been thinking a lot more about it than I realized. That being said, the subconcious is still no replacement for a practice room.
I'm really hoping to see a recording of today's performance. The things I did expressively felt much more natural than they have in the past, so I'm anxious to see if they LOOKED more natural too. There are lots of things I think back on and think, "I really should have done that better," but it's too late to take it back, and I did the best I could at the time.
All of this being said, I still have lots of work to do with expression. I've yet to figure out all the little things, like what actions convey what, such as openness, shyness, etc. That's what Dr. Lile and I need to work on some, I think. That, and I just need to do lots of things in front of the mirror.
So, I hadn't thought about any of this before, but after today, I got to thinking about the way performance fits into the process, and determined that it's quite important too. I'm also nerdy enough to think it'd be very interesting to compare brain scans from rehearsals, performances, etc... but I don't expect that to happen...
I've always been one of those people who is much better at performing with an audience. Some people seem to be able to pull it off anytime, but for me it's much easier with someone watching- the more people, the better. I'm not sure what makes this difference, but it's there, so we go with it.
I'm not sure I'll really be able to explain what happens on-stage, because it's kind of beyond thought. There's no time to actually formulate thoughts, but things happen in performance that don't happen the rest of the time. It's kind of like the "expression" you manage in rehearsal is magnified times 20.
I think it can mostly be attributed to a drastic increase in focus. Even in dress rehearsal there's a feeling that you can fix things if they don't work out, but in the actual performance, it's do or die. Of course, it might not work the same way for someone who is unprepared, but I've yet to give a performance I didn't feel pretty prepared for. Now, while I feel focus is increased in performance, I also think it is adjusted. In rehearsal, it's easy to always think about how things are working vocally, and forget about expression. In fact, in a practice room, it's very easy for me to totally forget expression and only work on vocal issues. In performance, you just have to let it go vocally, because if it doesn't work, it's too late to fix it. This gives you the opportunity to focus on expression instead. It's like when a certain voice teacher has told me a million times to "stop looking like you're thinking about singing." Now that I have enough good habits and feel comfortable with my voice, it's much easier to actually stop thinking about the singing and move on to what I'm doing with the rest of my body. The same voice teacher also likes to remind me that learning all of this takes time. I don't like that part of it, but I know it's true. A few months ago, I couldn't have performed the way I did today, because I just didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle yet. And in a few more performances, I'll be able to say this again.
So, what happens on stage? Focus increases and changes. And there are a lot of little things that go through your mind, but nothing really new. Things like "I shouldn't keep my hand there-(previously mentioned voice teacher) makes fun of me for that." Or, "Keep eyes focused, KEEP EYES FOCUSED!" Or, "Oh crap, last time I talked to that invisible person, tree, etc., I saw him over THERE... too late now." Another voice teacher once told me that every time you perform, it has to be a new creation. You can rehearse things, but when you get onstage, for it to be real and natural, you have to let it be creative all over again. I think this is part of what I'm finally figuring out.
With this latest performance, I noticed things happening over time as well, at times when I was doing things that have absolutely nothing to do with singing. For example, in the shower this morning, which is where I do lots of my thinking, I was visualizing the scenes for this afternoon and thinking of funny little things I could add, like throwing the locket over my shoulder, or facial expressions that would be funny here and there. So, there are parts of the creative process that happen even when I don't intend for them to. I've found that much of singing, and learning to sing, is subconcious. There have been lots of times when I've had vocal problems that I just couldn't figure out, and then suddenly they'll be fixed, and when I look back on it, it turns out I've been thinking a lot more about it than I realized. That being said, the subconcious is still no replacement for a practice room.
I'm really hoping to see a recording of today's performance. The things I did expressively felt much more natural than they have in the past, so I'm anxious to see if they LOOKED more natural too. There are lots of things I think back on and think, "I really should have done that better," but it's too late to take it back, and I did the best I could at the time.
All of this being said, I still have lots of work to do with expression. I've yet to figure out all the little things, like what actions convey what, such as openness, shyness, etc. That's what Dr. Lile and I need to work on some, I think. That, and I just need to do lots of things in front of the mirror.
So, I hadn't thought about any of this before, but after today, I got to thinking about the way performance fits into the process, and determined that it's quite important too. I'm also nerdy enough to think it'd be very interesting to compare brain scans from rehearsals, performances, etc... but I don't expect that to happen...
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